And she will always carry on. Something is lost, but something is found. They will keep on speaking her name. Some things change, some stay the same... -The Pretenders
So I'm busy re-framing a lot. Relationships changing. People changing. Standards changing. I think life is kind of funny sometimes...the patterns we repeat and the habits we can't break.
I think 2007 has so far been quite introspective for me. It's kind of sad and wonderful...strange and exciting to think about how much I grew in 2006 and how I've ended up where I have. It's weird to think about who is around me these days and who is close. Who has been replaced or refiled. Who has been moved or shuffled in my relationship armoire.
That's been a theme here for 2007. Like imagine everyone you know is in some drawer in an armoire of relationships. Sometimes you have to move people from one drawer to another because of circumstances or time...or whatever.
It's weird that I've come up with this analogy at all considering that I hate being put into a box and labeled. But it's not really a box and it's not really a label. They're drawers and they're movable and they get shuffled. And sometimes it IS that simple...someone just goes from the top drawer...the one that houses the secrets and fears and keys to hearts and all of that...and at the blink of an eye, they request to be moved...or I just have to move them...
I think I've just had a lot of practice in my life. Moving people around. Finding the drawer that fits them best. Either because they asked or because something happened and I realized that it needed to be done regardless. Because it's not like you want to just erase someone. Perhaps you learned a lesson from him or her. Perhaps you overcame a challenging period of life together.
Some people are for a reason. Some for a season. Some forever.
Isn't that the saying?
So I rather like to think that people don't necessarily have to just stick around for a season. You can extend the half-life by simply finding a new drawer.
Like LE. He's not been thrown into the waste basket. He just asked to be moved from that top drawer. He saw the contents and you know...it's stressful being there and seeing it. He wasn't ready for all that. I was a bit unstable upon my arrival. As to be expected. I just think as much as he says he's realistic and all of that...he is a romantic dreamer. He had this vision in his head that turned out to be a little darker when it came to real life fruition. I'm not sorry for being unstable. I moved here alone, didn't I?
I made a gamble. In some respects, I lost. In other ways...in bigger ways...in ways that I hadn't planned on...I gained.
I'm still here, aren't I?
I laid on the grass in the park the other day. Smiling and laughing. Looking at the clouds as they changed shapes and moved through the bluest sky. I laid there for hours. Not a care in the world but what was happening in the grass.
"Is this the best you ever?" he asked.
I didn't even really have to stop and think about it. I blurted out my "YES" with a huge grin and thought about how freaking far I've come to get to that very moment in a Tel Aviv park. My instability is stabilizing.
It's like being on a seesaw and having different partners rotate...and slowly slowly...the opposing force facing you becomes more and more like-minded...more and more of an equal...to the point where eventually, the forces of balance even out. And the ups and downs aren't nearly as dramatic. But you're still on a seesaw and you're still riding it out.
And I'm amazed at how many metaphors I just used in this one entry.
But it's all true. I am the best me so far. I'm happy and facing forward. Funny how Israel has brought out the very best and they very worst points in my life. All in the span of a year and a half. The highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. Professionally, emotionally, physically, mentally.
If I'm the best me so far at 19 months in...I'm kind of looking forward to the rest of the ride.
Ok folks. I think I’ve seen it all. Kibalti Fak wished us a happy end and Zvia treated us to ass therapy but I think this one may take the cake.
I was driving down one of the most major roads in Tel Aviv the other day when this huge billboard caught my eye. My friends and I immediately burst into laughter.
Have a nice ass?
Really?
Now what exactly does that infer? When do you wish a nice ass to someone else? Is that like “Have a nice day” or “Enjoy your meal”...or maybe it’s more like “Would you like fries with that?”
Crocker is an Israeli-based jeans company...and they’re wishing us all a nice ass!
It's a new blog that chronicles the ridiculousness that is life as an immigrant in Israel. Or life in Israel in general...because sometimes it's ridiculous :)
Feel free to comment. Tell me what you think. If you've got stories of your own, feel free to email them to me and I'd be happy to post them for you.
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You people over there in the US (or wherever you are) don't know what you're missing! Every moment is action packed in this city. You never know who you'll run into or who may dance by when you least expect it.
Here are some classic examples of life in Tel Aviv. I assure you that no one in the surrounding area batted an eyelash.
The first is a normal Friday late afternoon near the market. You know...we all like to twirl our tomatoes around after we're done shopping.
And this one is fantastic. We have really religious Jews here (duh) who drive around in vans and randomly jump out and start dancing. It's hilarious to witness and I'm always quite entertained. This is an extreme example where they're at what's normally a busy intersection in Tel Aviv...spreading love and Torah :)
I'm trying not to be TOO excited. But I have a good feeling about this week. I've met some new fun people recently and things are picking up. Going out is fun. Meeting people is intimidating but fun. I wish I was meeting more native Israelis though. I won't lie. It's just hard...where do you go for that? I mean...they're at the bar but by the time we're at the bar, we're so in our own dancing drinking world. Everything flows together. I need a job in an office with young fun native Israelis.
I'm just feeling good about this week. And I'm not going to say too much or be too excited.
But today is quite windy. And I'm hoping something exciting is brewing out there.
How did the city of XX contain you for so long? Your thirst for the real is so encouraging.
At 40 (my birthday last week), I find myself wrapped up in the ordinary challenges and long for the freedom of the soul that your words express. I am soooo proud of you and happy for you. I always tell you that but I really am.
I am almost in tears...as I am each time I read your letters. You should make a collection of these and publish them, entitled "to touch it" -- "It" being your heart, one's heart, soul; the people of war, city of war, friends of war.
I hope your parents are well. I can almost hear your father saying that to you about preferring you in America -- because as a parent, I know what it must be to desire you to feel the passion that you feel and the wonder that you live in as a place where you need to be...but to be so afraid of what is there in that place that you love and it being soooo far from where they can touch you.
My friend, Jacob was inspired to make this great video about Israel. The inspiration came from www.WheretheHellisMatt.com who made awesome videos but never made it to Israel.
I am exhausted. I am on the verge of being sick. I am cold and tired and WOW being a tour guide is a lot of work. It's 11:44 a.m. and I'm not with my parents yet. We spent the day in Jerusalem yesterday and my friend IY served as our tour guide. The most important thing I wanted for them was to see the tunnels under the Kotel. We drove into town in the morning with MF and met IY at a gas station. We headed to Yemin Moshe to see the windmill and get a perspective of the Old City from the outside. IY gave a little history and we headed over to the gates. When we went in, we went directly to the tunnel tour and IY said he'd meet us on the other end. It's my favorite tour in Jerusalem and I enjoy it so much...but this time, I was with a group of random old American tourists. In the past, I've only done it with my own group so I never felt like I was suffering or anything...I actually enjoyed it. But this time...I felt like I was suffering. I think I hate American tourists. Isn't that horrible!? I mean...I was one for so long here. I visited so many times and was part of that. But now I live here and I have no patience for it. I'm not sure what that's about. It made me sad...I don't want to be a self-hating American Israeli type person. But I felt trapped in the tunnels with these crazy people with knee-high socks and fanny packs asking the stupidest questions that were actually JUST answered by the guide. I smiled though and endured and came out of the tunnels into the Via Dolorosa where IY snatched us away from the guard and took us on our own tour from there.
We did the Christian tour of Jerusalem yesterday. I had never seen any of this stuff or spent that much time in the Muslim Quarter before. Perhaps because I've always been with a big organized group and the Muslim Quarter isn't exactly the highlight of a Jewish trip to Jerusalem. Anyway...I appreciated all of it and learned a lot and saw so much more to Jerusalem than I had in the past.
We walked along the Via Dolorosa and saw the 14 stations of the cross...which I'd never even heard of. Christianity is this interesting part of my family that I never spent much time learning about. I mean...I grew up in America and was surrounded by church-going Baptists in the Bible Belt. I attended my fair share of masses with my mother's family and got to the point where it wasn't scary...it was just different from my own brand of religion. I appreciate the things my mother gave up to raise us in a Jewish home with Shabbat candles every Friday night. I appreciate seeing the traditions and customs of the rest of her family and it doesn't bother me to attend a service for the sake of being close to them. I don't believe it...I don't have that faith...but I love my mother's family and I enjoy spending time with them when I can.
Anyway...I'd never had the opportunity to see the Christian parts of Jerusalem...and it's such an integral part of their religion so it was interesting to see it. We visited the Church of the Holy Sepulchre and said our Shehechiyanu from atop an Austrian hostel overlooking the city. You say that particular prayer when you do things for the first time...and this was my parents' first visit to Jerusalem.
We continued wandering the Muslim Quarter and finally ended up in a hole-in-the-wall hummus restaurant for the best hummus I've ever eaten in my whole life. The best. It was unbelievable. I will have to find time to go back to the Muslim Quarter JUST to find this place to eat the hummus. We did some shopping and then headed out of the Old City and into "Modern Jerusalem."
IY thought it would be interesting to wander around Mea She'arim a bit since most tour groups don't do that. There are signs posted all over the area asking tour groups to respect their community by not entering and asking women to respect their modesty by only entering when wearing appropriate clothing (i.e. long skirt, long sleeves, no pants, no tight clothes, etc). Luckily I was prepared this time and had come wearing my long skirt and sweat pants underneath (because it's freaking cold in Jerusalem). My mom put a skirt over her jeans and we went in. It's like an entirely different planet. All the men with black hats and black suits. Women with head coverings. Children running around with peot. It's fascinating and beautiful and I find it to be quite organic. I just saw this interesting article about Mea She'arim in Ynet.
I do not choose this lifestyle for myself but I do see something peaceful there...there are some crazy Orthodox Jews though...just as there are some crazy Bible beating Christian zealots and crazy extremist Muslims. For me...I find moderation works well. Everything in moderation.
Anyway...it was fascinating.
We ended the day around 4 and headed back to Tel Aviv with MF. We got back around 5:30 and I parted ways with my parents until dinner at 8. I picked them up in a cab and we headed to Cafe Noir for the famous chicken schnitzel and a bottle of Israeli wine. I enjoyed it and we headed from there to Bazel for my favorite ice cream. Everyone was in a good mood.
I woke up this morning feeling like shit and am congested and coughing. I talked to my parents and they said they're happily heading to Yaffo on their own and they want me to rest and meet up with them in a bit. I'm feeling a bit guilty that I didn't head down there right away but I am so BLAH. Ugh.
I think they headed out about 30 minutes ago anyway. I will shower and get up and get a move on.
Oh...and I've been thoroughly NOT processing my break-up in the slightest. I'm so busy and life is so hectic right now. That's probably a good thing. Or maybe I am just...really not heartbroken. Is that possible? Perhaps. But I think if that's the case, it may have more to do with the fact that the reasoning behind it is just so fucking ridiculous. The anger is shifting from his parents towards him. I think he's lame.
And I've been seeing a bit of the Brazilian I met over the summer. Someone to keep my mind occupied. And he's freaking nice. He is nice and sweet and even though I don't at all want to date him...he makes me smile and that's enough for now.
And it helps that he can't speak English. It's like Hebrew lessons for free!
I saw this article in Ynet today and it caught my eye. I'm gonna cut and paste some parts of it...for purposes of stimulating my thought processes...
The State of Israel has been recognizing Reform and Conservative conversions undertaken abroad for 20 years. For five years now, Israeli non-Orthodox converts are recorded as Jews in the population registry. Yet wonder of wonders, the sky has not fallen and the Jewish people has not collapsed. Us Jews, who believe in pluralism and tolerance, know that the Jewish people abroad and in Israel possesses immense power, and that despite the disagreements, we have deep, powerful ties of past, present and future.
Isn't it weird how the separation of church and state are so obvious in this country? Like in America...not so obvious. We like to say it's obvious but it isn't...think about it..."One nation, under G-d." That's not separating. I remember being forced to say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning in school and at some point, I just stopped doing it. I stood up but I remember in like 3rd or 4th grade, I was like "I'm not covering my heart and pledging allegiance to a flag!" I was a stubborn kid.
I digress...
There there's this comment...
Indeed, there are elements, whether religious or secular, who aim to separate religion and state. They fail to understand that that problems and contradictions are not resolved through the separation of forces, but rather, through enhancing love. They fail to understand that they are leading us to a deep crisis whose implication we cannot foresee.
I like that comment. And this one...
The essence of a Jew is not measured by behavioral criteria and does not depend on adhering to the Mitzvahs. A Jew, even if he is secular, is a Jew. Being Jewish, in and of itself, does not depend on deeds. It should be revealed through deeds, yet it is not about actions. It is an internal trait and spiritual character.
I will have to come back to this later. I have a lot of work to finish up. But this article caught my eye. And I wanted to document it so that I remember to think about it and formulate my own thoughts.
The full article is posted behind the cut or here in Ynet.
I've been reading the comments on Ynet lately because they're entertaining. There is a story about Haredim who want to boycott El Al because they decided to fly on Shabbat in order to make up for the flights lost due to the strike last week.
What strike? This country goes on strike every other day about something. Last week, trains and airports and trash and all government offices closed because people weren't being paid.
Anyway...someone referenced the Talmud in one of the comments.
Any love which is dependent on something, that thing is canceled, the love is canceled. That love which is not dependent on anything will last forever.
I like that.
Love should never be dependent on anything...not on learning Hebrew faster. Not on wearing a different shirt. Not on which ice cream flavor you prefer.
If it's real and true...it will be dependent on itself alone...truth is love.
I saw this article on Ha'aretz and couldn't believe it. While I'm not sure what I think about this whole "Secular Conversion" thing, I am drawn to the modernism of this statement: "In a world of DNA, it is so old-fashioned to talk about a chain of motherhood," says Beilin.
I won't get on my soapbox here. It's not an appropriate forum. But I think this is a painfully sensitive subject for a lot of people. And while I do think it's important to keep tradition and ok, so it's written in the Torah. But it's 2006, people. We have means of determining lineage other than through the mother. Someone once explained it to me that you can always be sure of who the mother is...by the act of her giving birth to a baby. But you can't always be sure who the father is. That was the reasoning behind this lineage thing. And I always thought to myself, "But can't you tell now?" We've made advancements.
And I do think that if you're Jewish, the Torah was given to us as the chosen people. The Torah is the word of G-d and whatever G-d says shouldn't be argued with. But there are like 613 commandments in there...and modern society is certainly not following all of them. We're certainly not sacrificing animals and in my humble opinion, I don't think it's anyone's business to deem who can lie with whom. Why is it acceptable for two women to "lie together" but not two men? All of these Torah issues are so sensitive.
I thought I wasn't going to get on a soapbox. But how can I not? If modern society and technology enables us to move forward, we should be able to use those tools. If you really believe in all this G-d creating everything business...then didn't G-d help create these tools?
Why should the Catholic girl I met on the street be considered Jewish? Because her mother's mother was a Jew? But this girl clearly believes that Jesus is the savior of the world who died on the cross for her sins. She takes communion and kneels at the alter with the best of 'em. So how does that make her a Jew? How is that even acceptable to think that she'll have an easier time getting a marriage license in this country than someone else who was raised her whole life by a Jewish father and a mother who converted to Judaism albeit maybe not to the standards of someone else's judgment. It's sick, actually. It's sick that someone could look at the two girls and make such calls...such false false calls.
Bill would recognize Judaism through father By Shahar Ilan
A bill to recognize as Jewish those in Israel with a Jewish father and a process of secular conversion will be discussed today by the Ministerial Committee on Legislation. Meretz-Yahad Chairman MK Yossi Beilin proposed the bill, which is the first time a political party has sought to intervene in the question of who is a Jew in this way, and he says he believes the committee will vote it down.
Beilin's bill would amend the registration law for the Population Registry and for identity cards, but has no effect on the Law of Return, granting of citizenship or immigrant benefits.
The proposal states that "for the purposes of the Population Registry Law and all registration or legal certificate," an individual will be considered Jewish if at least one of his or her parents is Jewish or he or she joined the Jewish religion in a religious process or has joined the Jewish people in a non-religious process and has linked his or her fate with the Jewish people, and is not a member of another religion."
Beilin says the amendment will mean that 300,000 Jews from the CIS who at present are not considered Jewish will be able to register as Jews is they so desire. "In a world of DNA, it is so old-fashioned to talk about a chain of motherhood," says Beilin. If people see themselves as Jewish, and certainly if one of the parents was Jewish, he adds, why should the state define them as not Jewish?"
Beilin's bill does not change the present situation, but rather would anchor in law a series of High Court rulings on the matter.
Beilin's idea of secular conversion, which he first raised in 1999, involves joining the Jewish people by means of activities in the Jewish community and maintaining a Jewish lifestyle. Committees would be established to determine what demands would be made of those who wished to join the Jewish people, Beilin proposes, "such as elementary knowledge of Hebrew and checking there are no extraneous interests." Beilin said the central consideration in accepting people to Judaism by means of secular conversion would be a family tie to Jews.
And this last one isn't a Mosh-made video but he's singing and it's one of my favorites...and he's magical and amazing. This song makes me smile and feel warm and happy inside. I should play it a lot this week...maybe it'll lift my spirits.
"Soon peace will arrive upon us...and upon everyone."
I love this country. I love the beaches and the lifestyle and the people and the culture...the food, the shopping, the climate, the Judaism...I love being here.
As we circled the city a hundred times looking for parking the other night, I had to take note that I really love the public parking lots here. Usually, the paid lots will let you in even if they know it's full and then create a mess when they instruct you to just block someone else's car.
Even better are the parking lots that have been designed with such care and expertise that when you reach the end of a row and realize it's all full, you have to go in reverse to get out of that lane and back into the center where you have to go through the process again. I mean...how ingenious is it to create parking lots that don't have lanes that flow from one into the next but rather force drivers to reverse down rows!? It's great!!
Yeah...note the sarcasm.
But I really do love this country...for all the reasons in paragraph 1. And I don't yet drive here so the parking is kind of amusing for me.
Ugh. Today has been the longest day ever. Today actually began yesterday.
I went to Herzliyya for my laser hair removal appointment and as I was in the car with LL, I got a call from LE. He was calling to tell me that he was performing in Tel Aviv around 5:30 p.m. He was wondering if I was around...maybe I could stop by to see it. What a nice surprise...I mean, we've been speaking more regularly and seeing each other every now and again. I'd just seen him Saturday night though so to get a call and request to hang out on Tuesday was kind of a surprise. I told him I was on the way out of town but that I'd call him when I was heading back in...if he hadn't yet performed, maybe I could come by or maybe he could swing by to see me after. He mentioned wanting to go to a dance class at 7:30 but he wasn't sure how late he'd be at this performance so he agreed that it was a good plan.
And so I called him when I was back in Tel Aviv and he wasn't sure what the deal was with his performance. He was just sitting around waiting. He said it didn't look like he would be making it to dance class. I was secretly thrilled. I'm kind of selfish that way.
He ended up coming over around 8 p.m. He was still sweaty from the performance but agreed to go to dinner anyway. As we were discussing options, we were sitting on the couch in my room and he asked me to take my hair out of the ponytail. I did. And he kind of looked at me...and took my face in his hands and looked at me. I laughed a little bit and asked him what he was doing.
"I'm trying to remember the first minute I saw you in the car. Did you look like this to me?"
I just kind of smiled.
I remember the day so very well...he was just some random guy that I was picking up at the train station as a favor to another friend. I didn't think anything of him. OZL was with me and so he just kind of got in the back seat and thanked me for the ride. We became pretty good friends over the next couple of months while he was in the US...not best friends...nothing spectacular...but we hung out a bit.
I snapped back into reality and he was still looking at me.
"It's crazy to think about all the stuff that has happened between then and now. Here you are living in Israel. It's unbelievable," he said.
He's so sweet sometimes. Without meaning to be. Sometimes his heart comes out onto his sleeve...and sometimes it's so hidden in the depths of his chest cavity.
We went to dinner and laughed. I was telling him a lot of stories in broken Hebrew. He was fixing my grammar. For some reason, when I am with him, the Hebrew just comes spilling out of me. And sometimes I can't even remember how to say "Yes" or "No." But it's just so freaking comfortable with him...and so I practice as much as I can because he's patient and he corrects me...and he listens and lets me figure out my own words.
We went to the Blockbuster rental stand to see if anything new had been added since we checked the other day. To our dismay, there was nothing new. I remembered that I have a stash of movies on my hard drive so we agreed to come back to my apartment and find something to watch.
We agreed on Madagascar. So we curled up in my bed and watched the movie on my laptop and ended up falling asleep at some point.
The next thing I know, it's 2:30 in the morning and his phone was ringing. He answered it and sat up straight. He wasn't saying anything...just listening. I kind of rolled over and tried to figure out who the hell was calling him so late...how had we fallen asleep? And I realized what was going on...he wasn't saying anything because he was listening to recorded instructions.
I rolled over towards the wall and started sobbing. My worst fear was coming true right in front of me. My source of reason...the one who makes me calm...who keeps me grounded...he was being called to go to the army.
He hung up the phone and called his father to tell him about the call. He told him he would be home soon. He began to put his shoes on and I suddenly couldn't breathe anymore...the pain in my chest was overwhelming.
"Relax. It's not worth it to worry until there is something to worry about," he said. "Right now, I don't know what is happening. They just told me to be there at 9 and until I find out what is going on...there is nothing to worry about."
"Take me with you. I will take a bus back in the morning," I said.
"What do you have to do tomorrow?" he asked...always logical...
"Work. I have to work at home tomorrow," I replied.
"So get your shoes," he said.
And I started running around trying to remember what I needed...I didn't really need anything but I ended up running around out of nervousness or something.
"You don't have to rush," he said. "I will wait for you."
I threw my toothbrush, deodorant and wallet into a bag and put on my shoes.
We drove to his house...I hadn't been there since February or March. I hadn't seen his parents since the first week of February for sure. It was going to be interesting.
We got to his house and everyone was asleep. We got into bed and he fell asleep within 10 minutes. I sat there the entire night...watching him sleep...my beautiful boy...his beautiful face...always so calm. He's the one who got called to army duty...and I'm the one who couldn't stop crying.
I didn't sleep a wink. His alarm went off at 8:20 and I was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting...
I helped him pack his bag. I folded his army fatigues...the green pants and green shirts. I helped him put together his toiletries and his socks...his underwear and his hats...
His parents just hugged him and told him to be in touch. Just like that...so calm...or at least appearing to be...
He didn't even wake up his brother or sister on the way out.
Everyone was so calm...and I couldn't stop crying.
He wouldn't let me take the bus home...he drove me back this morning. As we pulled up to the bus stop in front of my apartment, I asked him if he wanted his prayerbook back. He had given me an itty bitty army prayerbook about two years ago...he said it was to protect me during my travels. It was during the time I was going back and forth to Israel...moving cross country in the US and basically running all over creation. I carried it in my purse all of last year...and I've had it in my backpack since the day I made aliyah. It goes with me to school every day and anytime I go on a trip.
"No. It's ok...do you have it here with you in the car?" he asked.
"No. It's upstairs but I know exactly where it is. Don't you want to have it?" I asked.
"Well...since you ask it like that, then maybe yes," he responded.
So I ran up and got it and gave it to him.
"I want it back, you know," I said.
He smiled and brushed the hair out of my eyes.
"You know I love you, right?" I said.
"Of course," he answered. "Don't worry about me. Do your work. I will call and send text messages so you know I'm ok. It's going to be fine."
He showed me where his base was on the map. Near the Kinneret. Not on the border. Ok that's one good thing.
We hugged. I tried to stop crying for a minute. I wanted to sit there and look at him for a while longer but I knew it wasn't fair to him. I needed to be strong and let him go.
I got out of the car and he drove off.
He just called me about 15 minutes ago. It's been like 12 hours since we parted ways this morning. He said he'll be training on the base for a few days...maybe even a week. He asked me what I did today...what I'm doing tomorrow.
"I'm trying to do my stuff," I said in Hebrew.
"Don't try. Just do it," he responded...also in Hebrew.
"I'm trying."
He promised to call tomorrow when he had a minute.
I've been carrying the phone around with me all day today...to the bathroom...in my lap as I ate my last meal before fasting...I put it on vibrate and held it in my hand as I walked back to my apartment from Kikar Rabin. I'm becoming some other woman. I'm obsessing over a soldier. When did this become my life? How did this transformation happen? When will I be calm and cool like his mother? Will I ever? Is this something you can just "get used to"?
And so for now, I guess I just need to get used to having the phone attached to my body at all minutes of every day. I always had it on me...in my purse or something...but I feel like now I can't even go to a different room without it.
"This is what it's like being a soldier's girlfriend," someone said to me today.
But I'm not even his girlfriend. I just love him.
I had a little tear in my eye on Sunday morning as I rode the train to Beit Shemesh. My train was full of soldiers...so many soldiers. And they're so young and strong and beautiful. And I thought about where they were going and what they would be seeing in the next few days or weeks...and I had a little tear in my eye.
And now it's my soldier. This boy who has worked his way into my heart and soul...changed me...moved me...loved me...
His beautiful face...
He's a soldier today.
And I'm one of the ones left behind to be hopeful and wish for a speedy resolution so our boys will come home.
Now that I live in Israel, so much of life is either orthodox or secular. Religious things are REALLY religious and not really anything in the middle like I'm used to. It's kind of lovely and interesting...and a bit frustrating at times. I find myself wondering why I don't know certain prayers or why I can't read along as fast in the prayer book...or wondering WHERE we are in the prayer book. But I've been to synagogue for a Friday night service. I've been with different families with different traditions for different holidays.
As most of you know...I'm not the most observant Jew in the world. I worked my entire pre-Aliyah life as a professional Jew but now that I'm here in Israel...I'm working in the secular world. I believe that it's enough for me to be here in Israel...being part of this Jewish homeland...living my Zionist dream and being part of the greater Zionist dream. A lot of things about the ultra-orthodox Jewish world bother me -- and at the same time, a lot of things make me smile. I admire those who believe in something and feel passionately about it...whatever it may be. I admire the structure and see beauty in the traditions.
I just haven't necessarily chosen to adhere to all of those traditions for myself. I can, however, appreciate it. I'm grateful for the opportunity I've been given this year to meet new people from all kinds of different religious backgrounds. I've spent Shabbat in Jerusalem with Yeshiva boys and their wives. I've had a drink with people who never lit Shabbat candles before or spent their childhoods celebrating Christmas because it was easier. It's allowed me to consider my own background and childhood -- lighting the candles on Fridays and enjoying a family seder in our own special way. I come from a special family with parents who made sacrifices for us to have our own family traditions and now that I'm here and away from it, I recognize it and appreciate it more and more.
And so living here, I've learned a lot more about the structure of the Rabbinate...the rabbinic council. A lot of rabbinic rulings are really hard for me to accept and I have found myself disgusted with these decisions from time to time. I'm learning about myself and what I want for my own children (whenever that may be!!) and know that right now I'm more into freedom and individualism...figuring things out for myself and things like that...I always have been...I've always marched to the beat of my own drum.
So today, I smiled when I read this article on Ynet.
The headline reads:
Soldiers exempted from Tisha B'Av fast
Chief rabbis rule that 'due to the combat situation of our fighters on the front, all soldiers involved in combat are exempt from fasting on Tisha B'Av.
I know it seems a weird thing to smile about. But the article made me feel good. These brave soldiers are being told to worry about their duties and their lives...and the importance of this battle to protect our homeland. They are ALREADY suffering. They don't need to bear the burden of suffering through a fast to remember the destruction of the temples while they are fighting to prevent the destruction of what we've built since then.
The article then states:
The rabbis also called on "all of our brothers in the House of Israel in all places of their residence, in Israel and the world, and in general our dear brothers who during their days do not ensure to fast properly, to make a special effort to strengthen the Israeli people and its unity, and to hold the fast of Tisha B'Av.
What is Tisha B'Av? It's a fast day to commemorate what has been called the saddest day in Jewish history. Why the saddest? Because on this day, more than 500 years apart, the first and second temples were destroyed. There's more information about it here.
Did you know we're supposed to fast? I mean...I've fasted for Tisha B'Av before but I never really felt connected to it. I even climbed Masada on Tisha B'Av...2004. I just never felt connected to it. I never felt sad.
But I think this year, I will fast again. I think this year is different. I'm living in Israel now and have chosen to make it my own homeland. With the great suffering in the North right now...and my friends going off to fight at the front lines...and other friends spending hours and hours in bomb shelters...and me here, in Tel Aviv - my bubble - I want to fast on Thursday and to suffer a little bit. I want this opportunity to connect to myself and my surroundings.
And so I've completed an entire year of my new life in Israel. Every minute is new and exciting. Every day is a challenge and every day I love this place even more. I'm not scared here. I'm not suffering. In fact, it's quite the opposite...I'm opening up and looking forward to each new challenge as it comes my way. I'm talking to strangers in the street and traveling to new towns on my own. I'm accomplishing so much and feeling really great about it.
Wondering how you can help? Maybe you're not Jewish or never been to Israel or are too far away to feel like you can help...but you can.
Israeli children in the north are spending day-in and day-out in bomb shelters. Click here to send care packages to them...snacks and toys and whatever. Families in the north are running out of food and water so every little bit helps.
Or you could click here to send a gift pack to one of the soldiers out there fighting for Israel.
Or, you can visit this post that I posted earlier...for other charitable organizations who would gladly take your donations and put them to good use.
I'm still kind of obsessed with reading news reports of the situation here in Israel. Who isn't!? I mean...ok so I live in Tel Aviv but it stresses me out a bit to think that there are rockets being launched by the dozens and landing a short distance away.
And today the names of more soldiers have been released...the ones who lost their lives. And I see their young, smiling faces in the pictures and read their stories and it makes me sob. I don't even know them but I sob anyway. Their families...their friends...their hopes and dreams and lives. It's sad.
And I think about the rest of the soldiers...bravely fighting this battle for the rest of us. Not a battle against a country but against a force of evil.
And I sob a little more.
They're so young. They're so brave. They're so strong.
And I'm trying my best to stay focused on my responsibilities...because I have to keep on living so they didn't die in vain...
...and in two days, it will be one year since my aliyah. So much has happened...and I don't regret a single minute of it...
We're all focused on the situation here in Israel. And I'm sitting at my desk trying to do some work but it's really hard for me to focus on anything but the news.
But I'm so freaking THIRSTY! I've already had more than 1.5 liters of water today so I'm treating myself to lemonana. Lemonana might be the best thing ever. I am so lucky I live in Israel and get to have lemonana whenever I want.
The rest of you? Well...we may be in a state of war...but at least we have lemonana...
The following has been reposted with permission from Treppenwitz. I added in links of my own.
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Handy 'To-Do' List
At times like these it is easy to lose sight of the important things and become paralyzed by both the news and the events the news is showing us.
So in the interest of breaking the mental log-jam we all might be experiencing, I have compiled a 'To-Do' list (in no particular order) that can help all of us genuinely make a difference:
If you are in Israel
* Give blood. Under normal circumstances the blood supplies are critically low. Now more than ever you must find time to donate. Not only will it help save a life, but it will give you and your family 'blood insurance' in case (G-d forbid) the need arises.
* Open your home. If you have friends or relatives living in communities that are currently under fire, please don't assume they have plans. Pick up the phone and invite them for Shabbat... for a few days... for a week.
* Support businesses. It may not be this week or even this month... but when things quiet down there are going to be a lot of hotels, restaurants and other small businesses which rely on the tourist industry teetering on the edge of ruin. This tourist season is essentailly gone. It will be almost a whole year before the next tourist influx (maybe) has the nerve to venture back here. Make it your business to spend your next free weekend up north. Eilat isn't going anywhere... take your next vacation in the Golan or Galilee.
* Buy products made in areas that are under attack. If you or your business have the choice of purchasing goods or services from companies in areas where the missiles are falling, please don't put it off... they need your business.
* Support Charitable efforts. Please don't assume that the Israeli government will be able to step in and make everything right for the communities once the missiles (please G-d) stop falling. Find well-established, reputable charitable organizations that are doing important work in these communities and give generously.
* Pray. I don't care whether you recite the entire book of Psalms, pray the rosary or sit in the Lotus position meditating on regional/world peace. This is one of those 'it couldn't hurt and might actually help' kinda things.
If you are outside of Israel
* Come visit. It may seem counter-intuitive to discuss tourism, but many people outside of Israel forget that this country relies on the tourist industry for more than half its GNP. I'm not saying you need to book a bed & breakfast in the upper Galilee or Golan (although once things quiet down that is exactly where you should be going). Just come. During the the Intifada too many people who claim to support Israel voted with their feet and stayed home. Don't let it happen again.
* Plant a tree. As far as it may be from your mind at the moment, thousands of acres of Jewish National Fund forests are burning as a result of the hundreds of missiles that have been fired into Israel. Replanting those areas will cost money. You know what to do.
* Do business with Israeli companies. In the coming days and weeks there will be increased calls for divestment from Israel. If you or your business have the ability to use goods or services provided by Israeli companies... please do so. If you want to find out more about this, please contact your nearest Israeli consulate and ask for their assistance in identifying Israeli partners, suppliers and resources.
* Buy Israel Bonds. This may sound cliche...like something that our grandparents do...grudgingly....and only during the annual Kol Nidre Appeal. But individuals and companies have the ability to help themselves while they help strengthen the State of Israel. Israel Bonds have never once failed to deliver promised returns and are the cornerstone of many portfolios and pension funds. So if you were casting about for the perfect wedding or Bar/Bat mitzvah gift... buy some of these.
* Keep them honest. Don't get involved in intractable emotional battles with Israel bashers and anti-Semites. But DO keep tabs on your local media and take them to task each and every time you see them misreporting historical data or misrepresenting current events. For best results keep your communications polite, brief and to the point. Encourage others to be equally vigilant.
* Educate and inform. For most of your non-Jewish coworkers and neighbors, the conflict here is as inscrutable as those in Northern Ireland, Sudan and the Basque region of Spain. Make it your business to stay well informed and take the time to personalize this war for people. This is not rocket science... although rockets certainly play a role in the conflict. Keep it simple. Explain the news and the significance of events as they are happening here. If you don't do it, their sole source of information will be whatever CNN or the BBC are serving up.
* Pray. I don't care whether you recite the entire book of Psalms, pray the rosary or sit in the Lotus position medititing on regional/world peace. This is one of those 'it couldn't hurt and might actually help' kinda things.
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