Date: 2007-01-21 09:35 Subject: Good things are coming my way... Security: Public In my heart: optimistic Tags: dating, hebrew, israel

I'm trying not to be TOO excited.
But I have a good feeling about this week.
I've met some new fun people recently and things are picking up.
Going out is fun.
Meeting people is intimidating but fun.
I wish I was meeting more native Israelis though. I won't lie.
It's just hard...where do you go for that? I mean...they're at the bar but by the time we're at the bar, we're so in our own dancing drinking world. Everything flows together.
I need a job in an office with young fun native Israelis.

I'm just feeling good about this week.
And I'm not going to say too much or be too excited.

But today is quite windy.
And I'm hoping something exciting is brewing out there.

Date: 2004-10-18 01:04 Subject: Ah the guilt... Security: Public In my heart: guilty In my head: גאולה - חמי רודנר Tags: dating, love

Where does the guilt come from!? Why am I having guilt!?

a) It's not like Y is the love of my life and we're making plans for our future together. Shit...I only met him a week ago...and he might not even stay here for more than another week or so...

b) It's not like I'm cheating on anyone. LE lives in fucking Israel. It's not like we can have a real committed relationship...

c) It's not like I'm a whore. I don't go around and pick up random guys at bars. He's friends with friends so therefore he's a satellite friend of mine.

Bleh. I HATE the guilt.

And WHY does LE keep calling me!? How can he possibly know what's going on!? He called me Wednesday afternoon, Thursday afternoon and again this morning. What the hell? It's so out of fucking character. And he knows I took a road trip and he knows it was with a guy I met through EO. I just said everything very casually. "Yeah...I went to San Diego." "Yeah...it was with one of EO's new friends." Didn't really mention that (although nothing happened) he was asleep in my bed when the phone rang this morning.

And he's openly telling me he misses me and can't wait to see me. And it's driving me insane. And I keep starting my sentences with "and."

And I'm freaking exhausted. AWP came over to eat ice cream with me...we watched "Saved" and "Mean Girls." They're both pretty freaking funny. Aaron Samuels in "Mean Girls" is h-o-t.

לילה טוב

Date: 2004-10-03 21:26 Subject: Ah to be home again Security: Public In my heart: pensive In my head: Garden State soundtrack Tags: dating, family, friends, homes

I'm back in my apartment. I had a nice visit out west with SBD and got to put my toes in the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Very nice! I've now been in the Atlantic Ocean, the Gulf of Mexico, Lake Michigan, the Dead Sea, the Mediterranean Sea, the Red Sea and the Pacific Ocean. I'm quite impressed with that little list!

SBD and I had a relaxing weekend doing basically nothing. We went to the mall, saw some movies...GARDEN STATE is an absolute must-see...more on that later. We ate ice cream. We went to the beach. We ate sushi. We drove around. I enjoyed myself. Thanks for a fabulously restful weekend, SBD!

As I was changing clothes in the bathroom last night, SBD yelled to me that my phone was ringing. It was close to midnight so I knew it wasn't anyone from the East Coast. As I headed toward her room, I heard the special ring my phone has to indicate an unavailable number. It had to be someone from Israel. So I picked it up and it was LE. Now...we DO talk regularly so it's not like this phone call was that much of a surprise...but at the same time, it kind of was. Why? Well, first of all, we'd talked on Friday for well over an hour while I waited for SBD to get home from work. We actually had a really good conversation about life in our respective countries...how my mother and I had crazy issues for a few years, how I would never have a boy sleep in my room with me at my parents' house - even as an adult because I never felt like it was MY house to do so, etc. It was a really interesting conversation. Anyway...so on top of THAT, it was not even 9 in the morning in Israel so if he was awake, he had to have been at work.

He wasn't at work. He was at the Dead Sea. He actually did a very "boyfriend-esque" thing by calling me. He was calling to tell me that he was on his way to Sinai with his family. He had mentioned last week that he was going at some point but we never established exactly when that was. So he was calling to let me know. He said he knew he would want to talk to me or I might want to call him and he wasn't sure if he would have phone service but that he would be back on Wednesday or Thursday. I did take note of the boyfriend-y nature of the call but I promptly recognized that I absolutely cannot read anything into this situation. I appreciated the call...and it was SO something I would have done...and he hasn't ever done anything like that before. He's gone to Sinai and not told me ahead of time. He's done his miluim (army reserve duty) and not told me until he's come back. So I'm just taking this for face value and appreciating the gesture...

It made me smile, for sure.

So "Garden State." Go see it. It's absolutely ridiculously fabulous. There's this conversation between Zach Braff's character and Natalie Portman's character. They're in a swimming pool, kind of leaning against one of the walls...and they start talking about the concept of "home."

ZB: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.

NP: I still feel at home in my house.

ZB: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

How fucking ON THE NOSE is that statement? I mean...I sit here and think about my childhood house and all the crazy shit that happened within the four walls. And I moved out at 18 to go to school and only returned on random weekends or holidays but I never really MOVED back in. And then I had my life-overhaul last year and I moved home for 10 months. But I still never really felt like I LIVED there. It wasn't MY house. It goes back to the conversation I had with LE about my room. He doesn't understand my concept of "leaving home" even though he definitely left his own home for a while...he was in the army and then he traveled around the world for a year...he definitely LEFT the nest. But he went back and it's totally normal in Israel for people to live with their parents until they're 26 or 27. They don't really even start thinking about going to university until they're 23 or 24. It's such a different life...and the concept of "home..."

It fascinates me...

Date: 2004-09-01 19:05 Subject: Drunken fool... Security: Public In my heart: embarrassed In my head: Silence Tags: dating, friends

So I got totally wasted last night and DS was at my place. I snuck into the bathroom and puked my guts up without him knowing and ended up passing out on the couch. I eventually made it into my bed and DS slept over again with no kiss or anything. Which is probably best since I'd been puking.

At some point, I remember sitting on the couch and looking past DS to the picture slideshow that was going across my computer screen. Three pictures of SS in a row. I hopped up and ran to the computer. I totally couldn't concentrate on the boy next to me! I logged onto my messenger and knew SS would be online so I just basically wrote something totally embarrassing...probably something like "You're too cute." Or maybe something even worse than that. He's such a good sport though...totally indulges my retardedness. The funny thing is that DS was sitting right behind me when it happened! I'm such a freak!

And so tonight, I apologized to SS...


ME: and i totally had a vision of me being retarded last night and telling you that i have a crush on you or something...for which i apologize...i'm a retard

SS: i forgive you for your dreams...oh wait...that wasnt a dream ?

ME: i don't think so! but we can go with that...it's far less incriminating

SS: man... never apologize for anything - i dont remember shit...deny everything !

ME: HA ok...well it's not like i haven't ever told you before...just not lately

SS: apologizing is just a reminder for something i already forgot...lol...yeah. you told me last night knucklhead...with the DUDE there

ME: HA HA...i love it

SS: lol

ME: i'm a fucking RIOT

SS: ruckin FIOT

ME: you love me

SS: always

Date: 2004-08-28 10:42 Subject: Beers and boys and...bullets? Security: Public In my heart: nervous In my head: Silence Tags: change, dating, life

So I've met a boy. He's Jewish. He's a grad student. He's pretty normal...nice, a little shy, borderline nerd...like I like 'em. I thought he might be an ordinary white boy but found out otherwise and am happy about that. You know how I am...I like a little flavor.

So I met him a week or two ago when he stopped by the office for information. I thought he was kinda cute. I gave him a quick tour and talked to him about Israel and life and school. Wasn't sure I'd ever see him again because that's just how my luck goes. But low and behold, he popped his head into my office on Tuesday or Wednesday and said "hello." I got his contact information and when he left, I sent him an email telling him about an upcoming event he might be interested in. And I told him that next time he's around there for lunch, he should come by and see me first so maybe we could have lunch together. Didn't hear anything from him until yesterday morning (Friday).

He called the office. We had a strangely awkward but humorous conversation and finally he said that I had mentioned having lunch and he didn't want to just show up...so did I want to have lunch with him? Unfortunately, I'd already made lunch plans with one of the students so I had to decline...I actually invited him but he declined and we decided on coffee later that day. He came and we had coffee and talked more about Israel and computers and our cross-country road trips. He said he was coming to the Shabbat service and dinner that night and I said I'd see him there.

And he came. And I was running around like crazy but finally, at the end, I asked him if he wanted to come with me to EO's for some hummus and then maybe we could go out afterward. And he agreed. We drove out there...I introduced him to EO and we all sat around and talked politics and life. And then he and I headed out to the bars. Neither of us is familiar with the area but AWP had taken me to this good place the other night so I took him back there. We had red bulls and vodka and he told me about how his parents live in Europe. He was born in Europe and speaks two languages. His mother is Hungarian and his father is from another Eastern European nation. We talked about my family and my siblings. He's an only child.

We decided to venture to another bar and started walking around and realized that we wanted to be somewhere not so loud. So we hopped in the car and hoped Starbucks was still open. We parked right in front and as we got out of the car, they were closing so we walked down the street a bit and heard a band playing at the restaurant I'd gone to with SS. We sat on the bench outside of the restaurant and were re-evaluating the situation when we heard a firecracker pop. We looked up...

And a girl started screaming like I've never heard anyone scream before in my life. Someone had been shot.

Someone had been shot on the patio of the restaurant right next door.

Someone had been shot like 20 feet from me. DS...the guy...picked up his phone and called 911. I started backing away and DS tried to get a little closer to give details to the operator. I was looking for something to stand behind. My heart was beating a million miles and hour and I couldn't hardly breathe.

A guy with a bloody nose started walking quickly in my direction and a few bouncers chased after him. They pinned him on the street about 15 feet in front of me and I started backing up the other way. DS came over and I said, "Is it horrible if we leave? I'm really not ok with this." He said, "It's not horrible. Let's go." So we walked to the car and as we passed the scene, I saw someone with a camera taking pictures of a guy on the ground. Funny how the news will show up before the cops.

We got in the car and DS offered to drive. We went to his apartment because he lives about 2 blocks from there and I live about 20 minutes north. We finished a bottle of wine to take of the edge and talked about random things. He asked me what upset me the most about the situation...and he apologized for walking away from me when he called the cops. Both things earned him points. I'm impressed that he noticed that we weren't together when he was on the phone. I'm impressed that he wanted to talk to me about what upset me.

I explained to him that I've never lived anywhere but my home state. I'm so far away from my family right now and it makes me nervous to think that I was sitting 20 feet from a crime scene. What if something had happened to me? He doesn't really know me...who would call my family? We talked about how hard it is to be so far from family. He's in a completely different country...

And I don't know about him...but I got totally wasted. I slept there. He was completely respectful. He held my hand and I fell asleep. We woke up this morning and laid there talking about how lazy we wanted to be...but how we both had so much to do. I eventually got up and left. He was supposed to go rock-climbing and he was gonna call me later today. I got home and hopped in the shower...and he called...he'd missed the rock-climbing. We might go to Target later.

It's been the weirdest 24 hours ever. I can't believe someone got shot right in front of me. I can't believe there's a guy. I can't believe he actually called. I can't believe he didn't lay a finger on me last night.

Never a dull moment...