Date: 2007-05-11 14:38 Subject: מוש שלי Security: Public In my heart: happy In my head: מוש בן ארי Tags: aliyah, hebrew, what i love about israel, מוש בן ארי

Mosh Ben Ari performed in Kikar Rabin the other night...for free. I get home so late from work these days and I'm always so tired...so I kind of just assumed I wouldn't make it. We parked the car at 7:30 and I called YK to see how the crowd was. His performance was scheduled for 9 and if the crowd was unbearable, I wasn't going to bother heading down. She happily told me that she had a table towards the front and that it wasn't crowded at all. I picked up the pace and headed to my apartment to drop off my bag before heading down to the square.

I arrived and made my way through the crowd to find YK and her friend. They really DID have a table sort of near the front and I was suddenly happy I'd hurried.

We sat and chatted and LL showed up. And then Mosh. And his wonderfulness. Nothing will ever beat the very first time I saw him perform but I swear I'll never get tired of it. Each time that I've seen him perform, I've always wondered if he'd play ועוד יום because it's only my most favorite song ever. Besides the fact that if LE and I were to have had a song, that would be it...besides that...it's just a most beautiful melody. And it was one of the first songs I translated. I remember sitting on the floor with YC and playing it over and over again so he could hear each word and help me understand the song.

Anyway, he's never performed it when I've seen him. It's a duet with a woman. And he's never had a woman up there to perform it with. So after singing a few songs on his own...when he announced that Din Din Aviv would be joining him on stage, I kind of had this feeling that I'd finally see him perform my song live. She is adorable and wonderful and I love to watch her perform. She gets really "into" it -- and you can tell she's really part of each word and note she sings. I saw her a few times on TV and she performed at the Yom HaZikaron ceremony last month. He gave her the spotlight and she sang her song מוכרת לי מפעם. I happily sang along and swayed with the crowd.

And then Mosh joined her. And I heard the first few notes of my song. And the tears just came out. I didn't really expect that reaction. I've been doing amazingly well lately -- not really thinking about him but working on myself and doing the things I need to do. The other day, the secretary at my job came over and started telling me this story about how she went to a dance class and the teacher was familiar to her. And she used the feminine form of the word "teacher" so I knew it wasn't him...but as she told her story, I was waiting for her to connect it to him...because otherwise she wouldn't be mentioning the story to me at all. And my heart was racing and I was thinking about how ridiculous it was that I couldn't even hear a story about dancers without panicking a little...or without having my heart hurt a little. The end of the story was that the teacher was on THIS season of the TV show that he was on. And I kind of just smiled...uncomfortable-like. I was really disappointed in my physical reaction to her words. I didn't realize that my heart would jump into my throat like that. But it did.

And so I watched the performance. And I cried. And I'm actually not really sure if I was crying because it's our song...or because it's just so beautiful. Or maybe I'm just dramatic and cry too much. Or maybe it was all of that.

But I stood there...in the middle of thousands of people...and I cried and sang and took it all in. And it was nearly perfect.

And as the performance wound down...he sang familiar songs and new songs...and just hearing his voice all around me made me warm. Well...his voice and the fact that they crammed thousands of dancing Israelis inside a tent in May made me warm. He exited the stage and we cheered for an encore. What it a Mosh Ben Ari concert without "V'eich sh'lo" ??

And out he came...and he sang it. And I joined in with the crowd. And as we all sang together...I looked around and for the first time, I actually felt part of that crowd. I knew all those words...the song reminds me of distant memories...just like all the Israelis in that tent. I smiled and felt proud of myself and kept on singing.

I think it was just what I needed.
Just what I needed...to remind me why I'm here.
That perhaps I moved to Israel to be with LE...and maybe it's not the best reason to move your life around the world. Especially considering it didn't work out...

But I made aliyah because I love Israel. I love the lemonana and I love Mosh Ben Ari. I love the Tel Aviv beach and the cafe culture. I love cafe hafuch and shnitzel...but not at the same time ;) I love fresh baked challah and the calmness of Shabbat -- even in the heart of the city. I love the park by my apartment and the "arsim" blaring bad trance music from their cars. I love hearing broken Hebrew everywhere and realizing that we're all immigrants and I love the kiosks where you can buy everything from beer to toilet paper to a portable grill. I love the way Israelis jump around with HUGE smiles and call it "dancing." I love the low-waisted jeans and t-shirts with sequins.

I love being here.
Despite the hard things.
Despite the culture shock.
Despite the constant uphill battle.

Thanks for the reminder, Mosh.